Sarcasm at its Best!!!

Recent Read Villas come with transparency, ” REALLY!!! Whatever happened to privacy????? Damnit…..

Life is sad, Hard and painful - Ahem!!!! Ever considered getting a Uterus.. ( You Male chauvinistic despos)

Whatever happened to trust and faith - Huh!!! They got screwed by  lonely, horny mongoose

You deserve better in life- Yeah ok, I am not paying you for that now…

Corny lines, insensitive foolish illusions,  I mean who really wants to hear, Love is a bird, you need to let her be free, Oh well, you know what Mister, I choose to catch the bird, I choose to skin it alive and roast her on a bloody hot grill!!!!!. Oh and especially when the best comments are coming from people who  actually have no clue about their unsettled, totally confused, peanut sized brains .

MD!! U have ur hormones Jumping arnd, so Suush it and dont go around reminising about the past, its just ur insides playing tricks with you, And Miss KP, please try seeing the box, trust me its there

Anyways, coming to the end of it as I ve read somewhere:

You cannot make someone Love you, All you can do is Stalk them and hope they panic and give in (easy isint it)..

No matter how much you care, Some people are plain Assholes or Arse holes (no offence, so move on dude)

And this best one (in my opinion)  when you hear, Oh Dont worry darling,  you will  always see light at the end of the tunnel, OH REALLY!!!! That light Buster, can also be an incoming train (You Stupid Dung head)

What She Felt!!!

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.
– Francois Mauriac

Something she had read this morning pained her from within, it read “Unhappiness is to be comforted”.. There was one comfort, her life jacket, her support; most of all there was one who completed her.

“Ever since you ve gone… The Sky is no longer closer to earth, No more brisk walks, No rain water puddles, no smiling to herself and saying I knew this was on your mind…. It feels like an emptiness, a void, so unexplainable, so hurt that she dint wish to wake up from her sleep, where have u gone to… A promise was made, my comfort will come back for me, I can’t hide from u, but I can’t stay in the light either… The planet earth seems so small all of a sudden, life is so disconnected all of a sudden, she was never like this before, and the before is when you flew in and decide to stay or leave, what was it?? She will never know… Its not Love, it’s no Lust, maybe it was unhappiness, which was waiting to be comforted, and hence these words flow from within, coz for so long they were caged inside not knowing what she is feeling.. All it wants is to be found again.. A promise made, let the promise be kept…

 Disclaimer: Not in connection to anyone’s life, it’s just the writer’s free flowing thoughts.. please do not sue me!!!!!

Ode to the Illness!!!

Body Ache and head-ache…

Drippy nose and groggy eyes…

Frog in the throat, with a hope to smoke pot, passing outs combined with pukiness..

Doctor’s fees mixed with satanic thoughts (if only I cud have got my hands on that crazy nurse bitchy, itchy cow)…

Needles to blood samples, fluids with tears, hunger and pains… Oh!!! The torture of being sick… and a weekend of no taste, no sleep, no fun (not like my other weekends are filled with fun and frolic) however I like to exaggerate, it is my blog after all…:)

Anyways, back to work today, and I can’t believe i am saying this, but I soo miched work and the people who in their own weird and sidey manners have always managed to tempt me to wanna chew up my armpits … (GROSS!!!)…

So to sum it up, I am stronger and Yabba dabba doo to you………

Whose Fault ? My Fault….!

When i was 6 years old i was assaulted (by whom of course  is not the essence of my writing),  so at the tender age of  when one is not even well aware of why men stand and pee and women have to sit, a damage was done….It wasnt even the innocence that was torn which mattered but it was  my growing dignity and self-esteem that was crushed and discarded… Then we moved away from that place, a different surrounding, different neighbourhood, school, friends, etc… now that wud make me forget it all, or rather my family chose to believe that… anyways, moving on, life went on, or rather had to go on… Then one day i fell in love (tats wat i wud like to belive), 1 year of trust, even with the distance, i was true and loyal tho him, but i guess that was just not enough, especially when i had to compete with the sexy, big assessed friend of mine, Again, life moves on, then i tried my hands on love again, this time dint leave me with much choice, but to tie the knot, and still there are a lootttt of  unanswerable questions, dead ends, high immovable  walls…. then again i think life has to move on, however at one point one may think that there will be a silver line, there will be light at the end of the tunnel, and especially when maybe one friend turns the back on you, tats when u ask that one line which for years one gives the tag line, oh, it’s just my luck, oh its just fate!!!!!, but i ve always failed to ask ….. What?????was my fault in all of this……….

The Happenings (PART 2)

The feeling of waking up early listening to the birds outside my window (which got annoying later on), the early morning mist, having converting itself into little droplets of water, and trickling down plants and the huge papaya tree just outside my bedroom window, were all sights i register in my heart and will take to my grave, knowing i have seen the simpler, and beautiful things this world had to offer…

So then, there I was lazily tossing and turning myself in bed, when my sis-in-law knocked at my door (oh the surprise she was in knowing I was awake at 6 a.m), asking me to get up and get ready to go to the temple. We were staying in GURUVAYUR, The land of the Lord Sri Krishna, the faith here is so strong, a powerful, positive energy blows along with the winds, it feels more like the cosmic energy itself is assuring the people and its devotees, that everything is fine, and the world is safe, now that he is here….

Finally we get dressed by 7 a.m and leave to the temple, we reach there in no time, to find a loooooooooooooooong  que of devotees, but then we dint complain, I don’t think anyone who comes there complains about the que, cause I guess even they  feel the wait is always worth it… I saw various  expressions, some happy, some looked ecstatic, some content, some Sad, a few tearful, however just wen I was about to conclude that this place is pure and that the mind of all men and women will be focused only on the supreme power and nothing else, OH!!!!! WASN’T I  SO WRONG!!!!!. The man standing in front of me and my Sis – in law, wudnt stop staring  at us, or for that matter any woman who walked past, the ladies ahead of him wudnt, stop talking abt why some channel  changed the timing of a  cookery show which clashed with  their afternoon nap time (OH!! NOW ARENT THOSE THE BIGGER PROBLEMS TO LIFE), seriously, I saw a woman who looked like in her late 30’s crying and almost begging god with words for which I think was for a baby  to complete the void she and her husband were having, her husband like another man played the role of the  sympathetic  consoler  and kept convincing her that  things will be fine, ( well, to admit  my sis-in-law and me were eve’s dropping, FINE, I am GUILT STUCK NOW)I guess it is at that moment one realizes the importance of  the role the supreme entity himself plays…..

Anyways, to move on, we got inside the temple after a wait of an hour and a half, his divine figure, blended with Gold, and little lamps lit around his statue, all made my wait worthwhile, and I finally prayed my heart’s content. We came out, had lunch, and headed back home, had a small snooze and woke up by evening, only to find the orange sun slowly setting down, as if  saying a good-bye to his empire, and promising to rise and shine again the next morning. We went to the temple again in the evening this time it was a short wait as the gates were closing, we entered quickly , and that when I saw the 4 majestic elephants , all waiting in line for the final show. For this nite the tallest elephant called ARJUNAN, was the show stopper, just to give a brief description, in the nite after the last rites and Rituals   are done, the lords statue is mounted on top of an elephant, along with the Temple’s main Priest (who I believe is an unmarried Brahman)they walk around the main temple area and then finally the doors are closed for the day. Like this even my day came to an end, another day gone by…………….. 

The Happening$!!!!!!

On the Road :

So there I was all packed up and set to go, in my comfort travel Jeans which has been loyal to me for almost 4 yrs now….we left B’lore around 3.45 pm, having the back seat all to myself I settled in with ease… So my journey  started off with AKON singing “Don’t matter”, as I tapped my feet and looked out the window, I saw the sky was wide and blue, all throughout reminding me that it was a loong drive ahead and a loott to see and feel… I told myself I will not fall asleep(Like DUH!! I listened to myself)… As we drove on, the landscape changed slowly from urban to rural areas,  The roads were wide and the ride was smooth. I noticed how the mountains were spread across, and the clouds hovering above them, which looked more  like  lover’s  slowly, silently  creeping into the arms of their patiently waiting men, who have been lying there , only to romance them….

As evening  fell , I saw the tiny shops on the both the road sides lit up and  little boys and young men,  frantically waving their hands at all the vehicles that zoomed past them, in order to  grab the drivers attention towards their Dhaba, all to earn their livelihood. Men riding their bicycles with a small plastic cover hanging from the handle, what was in it I will never be able to guess, but I am very sure it contained something that wud put a smile on someone’s face, We passed by a market, I saw ladies sitting on wooden platforms and  besides them were these  small kerosene  lamps, and in front of them were all kinds of colorful accessories, bangles, anklets, hair clips, you name it and they were all there.. We stopped at one small eatery near Coimbatore for dinner, and I must say the food was average, but it was the hospitality and the attention that was  showered  on us, that made us being there  worthwhile.  

As we drove on, the music changed from Akon to Ozzy (which I did not prefer), and so I put on my earphones and life was good listening to Goo Goo Dolls, and as I started leaving behind my  exotic swap and forward recons and was eagerly  looking forward to fresh air and greenery, I slipped into this serene tunnel called sleep, I stretched myself in the backseat and I plopped my lazy legs  onto the seat, made myself comfortable and slowly my head leaned against the seat, and before I knew it, I was dreaming again, and even if I dint see it, I knew I was smiling, coz I was happy………

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” - Robert Frost

The Namings!!!!

Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.

 I read this remarkable article called the Travails of the single south Indian male, which is so well written that I see most of the men claiming its copy writes on Google(My God!! Talk about desperate Men)…, but then as usual a Mallu takes the credit (Sidin Sunny)… So Anyways, coming back to the present , what do parents even consider while naming their kids (NO IDEA, i know), hence to to prove my point , there is this one distant relative of mine  in Mumbai, and as a kid she was plump and round, so her creatively challenged Parents  named her Pandha (pronounced  -pun –dha), translating  that from Malayalam to English, it means BALL  , I know OUCH!!!  Such a blow to the  self esteem (if she carried any through her life)……..

So the deal here is our parents were close to their grand parents, who are of course  living in our memory, from under that big banyan tree  that our dads, dad, dad wud have tied a swing for his grandkids to play on or the steps of the dried up pond near our ancestral house from where my mom’s mom’s mom wud have taught her grandkids  to jump and show off their  free style or breast stroke in the waters…..i mean to commemorate their love and to keep the family names intact, one day they wake up and make promises to each other that, we name our kids after our grandparents,  if it’s a boy Karipalagan( Pronounced Curry – puh-lagan, meaning black beauty), or as we Malayalis love to do it Tintu Mon(pronounced moan, meaning Son ) and if it’s a girl, Soudaminiamal (pronounced Soudh -a-mini-mall) or Tintu Mol( pronounced as mole, meaning daughter)the rest, Folks …is all History….. To quote the writer, Cyanide kills  faster…..

The second type I know are people who actually have partially better names, Like Ray Peacock (Seriously),  who throughout his childhood for all the  school fancy dress competitions wud have adorned  colorful  feathers  and had sprinklers shooting water at him to do his Peacock dance (oh,,,, the Misery).. and then he grows into a fine young, stud boy, and joins the best company on Wall street, and Guess, what, it doesn’t end there , especially not when he gets a code only for to identify himself every time he logged in as  rapeacock (rape-a-cock).. I close my case….

And the third type which I have noticed is, the self naming concept, for instance, we had a maid in our house, who went by the name Chiktayamma (pronounced Chick –thai-amma)  meaning, little mother’s mother in kannada, anyways, that’s not wat I wanted to emphasis, its her husbands name that is even more captivating, apparently his original name was something that I do not remember, cause the name he gave himself is after the fictional character who has played Hero in the action series called RAMBO… (hmmm, now I know why I forgot his real name)…. So yes, she was Mrs, Chikatayamma Rambo…. Sigh!!!!

Disclaimer :Contents  in this blog are intended solely for your personal entertainment…. Please do not sue me if there is anything sensitive in the writing.

The Last Choice…..

 

The obvious Helpless, the pain, the agony and the plain feelings of the one who has reached the end of hope. The surges of deep worthlessness, becomes unbearable. Life  reaches a  dead end, Mind meets the blank wall, The bleak doubting of one’s worth, along with having found ways to end one’s life, hoping those ways will lead to an imagined release into oblivion.  This phenomena which is described to be enigmatic and disconcerting  has managed to raise a host of Social, moral, conceptual, theological, psychological (maybe even mathematical) questions, The inability to directly occupy the mental world of the suicidal, suicide appears to elude easy explanation(courtesy Freeman). The way one values life over death in those crucial moments is something I will never be able to understand. A self caused death, an end to the journey of life……

They  tell me people who commit suicide are coward, weak-willed and vulnerable and  so on… The list of words to describe the person and the act goes on and on, but has one ever stopped and wondered Why or What is it that drives one to that stage, is it Guilt, is it failure, is it loneliness, shame, social morals, maybe it is all and more, one will never  know  I suppose…. Finally, they tell me that people who kill themselves go to hell, but then I think people who commit suicide descend into a place, in which no human love, science, medicine, can penetrate, a private Hell beyond Human reach, and beyond human help….. Guess this is what they call, Permanent Solution To Temporary Problems (courtesy Phil )

….. Now to end it with a lighter note, Apparently in Britain there was a rule that Committing Suicide was a  considered a Crime, and a person who was found guilty of the act, would be Hung to death..(Well, Now is int that convenient )….

 Suicide is man’s way of telling God, “You can’t fire me – I quit.”” – Bill  Maher

Blueberry & Muffins!!!!!

All purpose flour, sweet dusting sugar, milk and not to forget the best ingredient , my very personal favourite flavour the Blueberry, and voila, the perfect recipe for a good Muffin has been created…  Together, they can work wonders on any kind of mood…But here Blueberry and Muffins are my personifications. One weirdness personified and the other diseased beyond imagination(heh heh, Muffins can abuse me for this ) one  crazy walk in the rain(which was a less pained effort to lose weight),   those innumerable,  preposterous conversations, one being famous to ditch and the other  being famous to ignore, Blueberry’s intellectual comedies(i know muffins is holding his belly and roaring in laughter to this, i wud do it too)…. all their  fights and dirt flinging, those  complex discussions about the mysterious human anatomy (so worth listening to)… Nick naming the human genitals, and taking pride at each others stupid remarks (like one is any less better than the other)… To sum it all i can Quote is:

“An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.” 

This is definitely Blueberry for Muffin and Muffin for Blueberry……

Fake Attitude!!!!

You know when they say, if the attitude doesnt suit you, then Dont Wear it…. i am so tempted to use this line on every idiot i see out there who carries this really sickening ,fake attitude, that one WACK is all u wanna give. I mean just coz one has4 wheels under his balls, or wears Tommy jeans that can also show off his religion (Pun intended)or maybe even has apple farms and wall – nuts growing from his ass  and dangling to be plucked!!! Trust Me these are the times u wish u were living in the olden times when committing a crime was as easy as faking an orgasm, just the noises and faces mattered.. Damn!!! i really need to find more innovative ways to squish the 4 balled (instead of wheels)tight pants (religion exposing), peanut sized brain fool, with an attitude as fake as his manhood maybe….(i am sure his adam’s apple is just a walnut shell glued inside his throat, to prove that he is a guy), wat an insult to adam tat wud be!!!!!

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Anonymous